No Act of Kindness is Ever Wasted

Last week was an absolutely horrible week. Work was stressful and frustrating. I made a new friend that I was excited about only to lose him shortly afterwards to a job in another state. I lost another dear friend finally to the changing tides of life that I’ve fought hard against for years. I spent most of the week being reminded of all my failures and inadequacies. I felt utterly alone and in need of more love than I dared ask anyone to give. I try so hard to give everything I have to the people around me, but so often, I come home feeling empty inside and alone.

Last Wednesday was a particularly bad day and by the time I made it home from work I had spent half the day crying and the other half hating every single person and thing around me. I stopped to check my mail only to find that I had a birthday present from my best friend, Jamie. My birthday was still 5 days away but I wanted to be cheered up so desperately that I decided to open it early.

Jamie always gives me wonderful gifts....but when I opened this one I broke down crying harder than I have in months because it was so incredibly special and exactly what I needed in that moment. It was a framed sheet of paper listing 27 reasons why I am her best friend. I sat clutching the frame for several minutes while I got all of the crying out of my system. Every single reason she listed hit home so hard, and many of them were the same reasons she is my best friend.

Jamie lives in North Carolina, but in that moment, I felt more loved and cared for by someone over 2,000 miles away than by anyone living here. That is the true power of a best friend.

It was only a piece of paper with a few humble sentences printed on it, but it meant the world to me. I admire her for even trying to list out the reasons we are friends. I could fill hundreds of pages with all of my reasons and still not find an end.

I often wonder if the things I do for people really matter...really mean anything to them after the moment I do them. And for some people, they probably don’t. But Jamie is a testament to the fact that sometimes they do matter. You don’t maintain any kind of relationship with someone for 22 years unless you got a few things right. And the things is, Jamie is one of the people who has inspired me to keep giving, keep trying, keep loving even when things seem useless and impossible and hopeless. I try to be a better person every day because of her.

Aesop’s saying that “No act of kindness, no matter how small, is ever wasted,” really is true. It will either help someone else.....or it will help you through the act of giving it. Trying to add up all of Jamie’s acts of kindness in my life would be like trying to count all the stars in the heavens. There are simply too many. But every one of them has mattered to me.

Jamie is my best friend and my sister. She is my partner in crime and is present in every single memory I have growing up. She has supported me at every twist and turn in life in every way a person can be supported. She has loved me unconditionally for 22 years and is the one person who would be right at my side even if I stood with hundreds against me. She is the one blessing God granted me that keeps making its presence known with each passing day.

“People are like stained glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is light from within.” (Elisabeth Kubler-Ross). 

Jamie....you are the stained glass window of my life! Words can’t begin to tell you how much I love you or how thankful I am for you. 

Things I Love

I’ve never been much of a fan of Valentine’s Day. Whether romantic or otherwise, most relationships in life I’ve found to be fleeting and half hearted. But the word “LOVE” and all of the glorious elements in life that it can encompass---that is something I appreciate. It is hard—no—damn near impossible to find someone you love that will ever love you back with the same intensity and endurance. People and relationships fail us every single day. But the act of loving---be it a person or any other thing on this earth---is flawless. And the list of things worth loving in this life is infinite. So on this Valentine’s Day, I will spend it reveling in some of the things I love the very most......

I love the first snowflake of winter that lands on my nose. It feels like a kiss from heaven and a promise for a fresh start.

I love when someone texts me just to say good morning. It’s the perfect way to start a day.

I love rainbow sprinkles. Putting them on anything makes me feel like a kid again.

I love kisses on the forehead. There’s something so intimate and loving about those kind of kisses.

I love getting postcards in the mail and knowing that even when someone is far away on vacation, they are still thinking of me.

I love dancing around my house in the dark with my music turned up so loud it drowns out every thought in my head.

I love going for walks at night under a star-filled sky. Looking up reminds me that no matter how hard life seems sometimes, there really is a bigger plan out there for me.

I love sunflowers. I love their fearlessness to grow in the most unlikely of places, but just the places where a piece of beauty is needed.

I love full moons. I like to imagine that at the exact moment I look up and see one that the people I love most are also looking up at it....and that no matter where we all are in the world in that moment that we are connected by looking at the same moon.

I love handwritten letters. I love to write them and wish that others had the courage to write ones to me more often.

I love making snow angels and leaving my own mark on Mother Nature.

I love taking photographs and having photos taken of me. I want to look back in 60 years and remember the small moments and how much I truly lived.

I love the sound of motorcycle engines revving up. For me that is the sound of my youth and of my father.

I love wearing tutus....at inappropriate times and places. People never understand what you’re doing but they can’t help but smile at your boldness.

I love the smell of hairspray and static guard. It instantly transports me backstage to the dressing room where I prepared for all of my ballet performances.

I love splashing river water on my face. There’s no holy water in any cathedral font on earth that feels as purifying as that.

I love playing dress up. It is never too late to imagine what you might grow up to be.

I love giving gifts to people. It doesn’t matter if I ever get anything in return or if I could even afford the gift in the first place. Giving someone else 10 seconds of bliss leaves me happier than I can describe.

I love standing out in the middle of hard rainstorms with my face tilted to the sky. It feels like I’m washed clean of all my burdens for a moment.

I love when people say “no” to me. Those are the moments I know God is calling me to rise up and become an even greater version of myself.

I love going for long, aimless drives. They clear my head and bring peace back to my soul.

I love that I’ve had the same best friend since I was 5. And despite being an only child, she will always be my sister first and foremost.

I love making wishes every time I look at a clock and it reads 11:11. I secretly think these wishes will someday come true.

I love wearing onesies to bed. Because it’s impossible not to be happy when you’re wearing a onesie.

I love picking wild huckleberries and how your fingers are stained purple for days afterwards.

I love that my one true love is Montana. She will forever hold a spot in my heart that no man will ever overtake.

I love the overbearing silence of the mountains in winter. I love to close my eyes and listen to the pure sounds of nature emerge within it.

I love standing under street lights when it’s snowing and spinning around until I’m dizzy.

I love the song “My Way” by Elvis Presley. It is the song that best defines me and that I want played at my funeral someday.

I love that despite all of the pain, challenges, and ugliness life has thrown my way at times, that I still find something new to love about life with each passing day.

Happy Valentine’s Day.......go out and find something or someone to love today!