Strong Women

In getting ready for the onset of summer, I purchased a new dirt bike a few weeks ago. Much to my father’s reluctance, as he was a Kawasaki and Suzuki dealer for over 30 years, he instructed me to buy a Honda CRF 230 as the next best step up from my KLX 140. And boy, oh boy did I take some serious heat for the purchase. Because my dad was a dealer all those years, I have only ever rode brands that he sold. And through his business I became well acquainted with a lot of MX racers in town. As soon as pictures of my new bike hit Facebook, so did the sarcastic comments and suggestions of disloyalty from all of these guys. It was all in good fun and I laughed it off saying that I was simply doing what I had to do to improve as a rider.

What I wanted to say was “shouldn’t the fact that I’m a girl and I ride be all that matters?” I mean how awesome and unconventional is that?

It has been my great privilege in the past few years to share in the company of several other ladies, such as myself, who aren’t afraid to do the same extreme sports as guys. We are certainly a rare breed….but one which is incredibly strong.

During my first few off-road races on my bike last summer, I lined up at the start alongside only a handful of other girls. I was scared as hell to say the least, but I took some comfort in looking on either side of me and knowing that I wasn’t in it alone. During one of my first races out at the track I witnessed something that made me incredibly proud to be a lady rider. I rode up on another girl trying to unwedge her bike from a giant muddy rut gouged into the track. Another girl was next to her helping push the bike while she gave it throttle. Like me, they were outnumbered in a male dominated event and struggling just to finish. But they were determined to take that checkered flag, and unlike the guys with trophy envy, they wanted to make sure that their fellow ladies finished as well. That takes some serious guts to pause and help another rider out and put their needs ahead of your desire to place.

When I started my second season of hockey this last fall, I was relieved to see there were two other girls joining me. On a novice league of over 20 guys, we were again outnumbered, but still ever determined to get out and play. I watched both girls take some nasty falls and crash into the boards trying to beat the guys to the puck. But they got right back up each time and kept skating …..and with a beaming smile on their face to boot! Even though they both played on the opposing team, I was never so happy as when I saw one of them score a goal or assist on one. I always tried to make sure I went out and gave them a fist pound afterwards, and they always did the same for me. It takes great courage to step out onto the ice and play in such a vicious sport, especially when the guys don’t hold back any just because you’re a girl. 

A few weeks ago, I missed our game and the inaugural game for a new girl. I was shocked and saddened to later hear that she fell during the game and suffered a concussion. She will be out for the rest of the season. It was an unfortunate accident, but according to her boyfriend who plays with us, she’ll be back next year. See that’s the thing about these types of women…..even when they get knocked out cold, they’re ready to go right back in again once revived.

My all ladies sled clinic with Dan Adams in February was another time of revelation for me on just how many strong women there are out there -----ready and willing to push themselves to the limit. Snowmobiling is a hard sport…..being a girl makes it even harder. I watched girls fall off and roll their sleds dozens of times. And each time they got back on their sleds, more pissed off and ready to try harder the next time. One of the girls’ sleds completely rolled over the top of her one time, but she still stuck the weekend out and managed to do an awesome sidehill maneuver the following day that I completely failed at. The amount of support and encouragement I found in that group of lady riders that weekend was overwhelming. And the best part was, we had all hauled our sleds to the middle of nowhere to ride with one of the top riders because we are that committed to the sport and to showing the men in our lives that we can ride just as well as them.

I was told once that I have “mismatched genetics” because I do so many activities that are non-traditional for girls. There was a time when I felt like that made me a bit of a freak. But the thing is, there are a lot of girls out there like me. I have rode and played beside them and they are by far the toughest chicks I know. They motivate me to keep going when I want to give up on something and they are changing the world as we know it by raising the bar for what women are capable of. 

They are strong women…..and I am proud to be one of them. 

“Strong women: May we know them. May we raise them. May we be them.”

 

My fellow Next Level ladies and I after completing our 2-day clinic!!

Salvation Lies Within

Yesterday afternoon, I went and saw The Shawshank Redemption at the movie theater. It is one of my all-time favorite movies, so when I found out they were doing a special showing of it on the big screen, I knew I had to go to it! I’ve seen the movie dozens of times and know it so well that I found myself reciting lines in my head right before they were said in the movie. But there were a couple of lines that stood out to me with more prevalence this time through.

At one point in the film, Warden Norton comes and inspects Andy’s prison cell. He notices Andy clutching a bible by his side and remarks that he is glad to see him reading it. Just as the Warden goes to leave, he reminds Andy that “salvation lies within”…..meaning within the bible. Of course the irony of this quote is revealed later when Norton discovers that Andy has been hiding the rock hammer he used to dig a tunnel out of his cell with inside the bible. But the phrase “salvation lies within” took on a different meaning for me. 

While I am preparing to be initiated into the Catholic church and do believe that salvation comes from God and his word, I also believe that it comes from within us. God created human beings and both blessed and burdened us with the gift of free will. All of the wisdom and holy words in the world can be preached to us, but at the end of the day, it is our choice whether we choose to believe in or follow those words and convictions. When we are confronted with challenges in life and everything we know and put trust in crumbles around us, many people put their faith in God. And sometimes that’s all you can do. But I don’t think enough people put trust in themselves.

Each of us is stronger than we will ever realize.  God might always be at our side, but He isn’t going to do all of the heavy lifting for us. That is our job.  We are the ones who have to fight through the difficult things, avoid the temptations, rise back up onto our feet after we’ve fallen. God is our sturdy foundation, but we are the house that must withstand what life throws against us. 

By being baptized at Easter I will be granted the promise of eternal life. But I had to first choose that that was what I wanted. That’s where the second key line of the film comes into play.

At the end of the film, Andy escapes Shawshank Prison and has to climb 500 yards inside the filth of a sewer pipe to reach freedom. He “crawled through a river of shit and came out clean on the other side,” was the line that struck me at the end.

I would like to say that my decision to get baptized came out of some beautiful epiphanous moment involving rays of sunshine peeping through the clouds and something wonderful happening that made me realize that life is so much better than I ever imagined it could be. This was not the case. The reality is much more comparable to Andy’s  journey through a tunnel of shit water. 

My journey to getting closer to God involved moments of devastation, loss, heartache, failure, sin, and disappointment. Looking back now, every single one of those moments should’ve been something that pushed me away from God rather than pushing me towards Him. What made the difference was what lay inside me. I had to make the decision about how I wanted to walk away from certain situations and what attitude they left me with. I had to decide that I wasn’t going to let any of the bad things that happened break me. I had to choose to take the ugly things and make them beautiful. I had to see the difficult moments as tests from God and be an over-achiever on them like my school tests and not fail. God was at my side through all of that, but I had to choose to be saved. I had to do the suffering and believe that I would be better for it at the end. 

One day in my RCIA class, we were asked to pick a picture from a collage on the wall that best depicted our faith journey. I picked an elephant attempting to climb a very steep hill. If I had to pick again, I would choose the picture of Andy Dufresne after he climbs out of the sewage tunnel and throws his hands up into the air in the pouring rain. He crawled through a river of shit and found himself being cleansed by the rain on the other side. It is important to be a person of faith and trust that God will grant you salvation when you reach the other side. But first, you need to seek salvation in yourself so that God knows how much trust you put in His creation. 

An Authentic Sign

Ernest Hemingway wrote that “If a writer stops observing, he is finished.” One of the beautiful blessings about trying to constantly observe the world around me is that I often notice the little signs from God that most people---with their eyes hypnotized over their phone screens or elsewhere---miss. But even when you notice the signs, sometimes it takes a while before you understand their meaning.

In July 2010, I purchased my first home. It was brand new and no one had lived in it before. I had only lived there a few weeks when I noticed an interesting gouge in the wood of one of my kitchen cabinets. It was small and unremarkable, but bore the shape of a cross. It was unique and interesting but I didn’t think much about it.

Now, nearly 4 years later, that gouge in my wood bears much greater significance. 

This past Sunday I attended the Rite of Election at the St. Helena Cathedral where I publically expressed my desire to be baptized into the Catholic Church this coming Easter. After meeting the Bishop, I enrolled my name in the Book of the Elect and entered the final stage of my journey towards coming into full communion with the church. Technically, I have only been working towards this for 7 months or so. But in reality, it has been a journey years in the making. 

Earlier on Sunday before the rite at the Cathedral, I attended regular Mass. The homily given during it spoke a lot to me and echoed many of the big emotions I was feeling that day. Father Richard spoke about “authenticity” and what being an authentic person means in society today. He spoke of how Christ was authentic in his unyielding commitment to the words and will of God. Even when Christ was tempted by Satan in the desert, he chose to quote the words of his Father when he refused Satan.

It is not only rare to find a truly authentic person in today’s world, but it is a daily struggle to be one. It has taken me most of my 27 years to sort out who I am, what I believe, and how I want to live my life. One of those pieces—my faith—is one which has always been a dominant part of my life but was just never fully developed. This past summer, I finally felt God’s calling in my life to embrace my faith further and to formalize it by finally getting baptized. 

During the Bishop’s homily during the Rite of Election, he asked for us to all pause for a moment and reflect on those people who have knowingly or unknowingly assisted us in reaching this most pinnacle of moments. There were a lot of people who crossed my mind. And all of them not only assisted me in growing my faith but in helping me grow into the most authentic version of myself. They are the people who made me realize what my convictions are, how I want to treat all of the people I encounter in my life, and what kind of person I want to be at the end of the day. They are the people who set the standards for my life and see to it that I hold true to them. 

As I count down the days to Easter, I am overwhelmed daily with a sense of peace and wholeness knowing that my decision to be baptized is one of the most important ways I am staying true to my authentic self. Whether you decide to forgo college after high school and start your own business, come out of the closet and announce to everyone that you’re gay, choose to never get married and have children because you like your life the way it is, take a chance and leave everything you know for a new job opportunity across the country, or anything else you feel in your gut you need to do......do it. Stay true to what you believe and do what is best for you. Being an authentic person is hard because there will always be people trying to talk you out of doing things. And there will be countless roadblocks along the way that will make you want to turn back and give up. Staying truly authentic means saying to hell with all of that and pushing through. If you know in your heart that something is right for you and you follow through with it....you will never regret it. 

Looking back, my faith journey became much more serious right about the time I moved into my house. I didn’t know it, but that little cross-shaped gouge in my cabinet was a sign.....and perhaps a blessing....of all that would come to pass in the near future. It didn’t contribute in any way to the decision I made, but I look at it each day and smile with the belief that it may very well be a sign of reassurance from God on that decision---my decision to stay authentic to what I believe and who I am.