“I’ll take it!” I blurted out.
“Ok, that will be $300,” said my friend Daniel, who works at
a local jewelry store.
I sighed as my head dropped and lips pursed together.
“It’s too much money,” I said. “Andy would be furious if I spent
that much on just a chain………..”
On the day I chose my wedding dress, I was wearing a small
white gold cross necklace that my soon-to-be in-laws had given me on the night
I was baptized into the Catholic Church. The owner of the dress shop commented that
afternoon on how perfectly it complimented my dress. That was the moment I
realized it would be the necklace I wore on my wedding day. It already bore the
memory of the most important night of my life but, more importantly, it
represented the most important relationship in my life….the relationship that
is meant to guide every aspect of our lives. For those reasons and so many
others I knew it was the one piece of jewelry I was meant to wear when I spoke
my vows.
The only issue was that the chain was a bit long for the
neckline of my dress. So a few weeks before my wedding, I visited a local
jewelry store to inquire about a shorter chain for the cross. But instead of
purchasing the expensive one, I simply had my friend clip a few links out of
the existing chain and went home.
Flash forward to the night before mine and Andy’s wedding.
We had just arrived at our rehearsal dinner and Andy pulled out a small white
bag that he said he wanted me to open. As I gently pulled the ties and opened
the bag, a delicate silver chain fell out into the palm of my hand. It was the
chain from the jewelry store that I had fallen in love with. I was almost as
stunned in that moment as I was the night Andy got down on one knee and asked
me to marry him.
The next day, I slipped the new chain through the loop on my
cross pendant, clasped the necklace behind my neck, and left for the church to
marry my love……………………….
Last month, Andy and I celebrated our first anniversary
together. On that day I found myself reflecting on all I had learned about love
in the previous 365 days. What came to mind was not all the blessings of
marriage but rather all of the small, seemingly insignificant moments where
unconditional love was shown—much like what was represented in that humble
chain Andy bought me and in the cross it held. For me, the grace of marriage is
found in many places….although not always the places that first come to mind.
Love is the look Andy gives me in the middle of Mass when we
are supposed to be concentrating on the priest’s homily. It is him stepping
aside to let me go into the line for communion first.
Love is holding Andy in the morning light of the kitchen and
sending up silent prayers of thanksgiving to God for blessing me with someone
so wonderful.
Love is dancing to our wedding song on our anniversary in
bare feet on the living room floor.
Love is lying in bed watching TV and looking over to see
Andy smiling at me.
Love is found in completing frustrating projects
side-by-side like scraping botched epoxy off the garage floor. Or spending
three long days raking rocks in the yard to prep for installing a sprinkler
system.
Love is Andy cleaning my motocross goggles for me even
though I’m convinced they aren’t that dusty. Or buying me new hockey gloves
when mine become so smelly I can’t stand them anymore.
Love is Andy telling me to try again after I roll my
snowmobile for the tenth time and scream at him that I’ll never ride again. Or him
cheering me on as I take the checkered flag in absolute dead last after a
brutal motocross race.
Love is Andy holding my face up to his and telling me I’m
beautiful after I’ve collapsed in shame over the way I perceive my appearance.
Love
is Andy holding me as I cry on the bathroom floor from all the rejections and
failures I face each day.
Love is fighting over and over again with each other but always
saying “I love you” before falling asleep that night.
Love is Andy telling me I’m wonderful each day even though I
still apologize to God each night for all the things I am.
Love is forgetting why you first fell in love with someone—because
every day you fall in love with them again for all new reasons.
Since man first entered the world, love has been sung about,
rhymed out in poetry, discussed over empty bottles in the twilight hours,
brushed across canvas with oil and bristles, shot out through the fingertips and
toes of dancers and collected in damp stains on our shirt sleeves. It is all
encompassing and confusing…miraculous and wretched…..desired and despised. It
will always be bigger than us—yet—small enough to witness in the dilating
pupils of someone we cherish. And sometimes it is found in something as
insignificant as a chain…or two perpendicular lines. But it’s there all the
same.
Every day since I married Andy I have reveled at what
marriage is. Not the big or beautiful moments of it. But the overlooked and
ugly parts. The parts that make you wonder why anyone stays married at all or
how they enjoy it if they do.
The kind of love that
marriage is supposed to be about is loving someone at their darkest…. when they
can’t even love themselves…..when they feel like they’ve slipped too far to ever
be rescued. It’s the love that always forgives and walks by your side each and
every day. That is the love of Christ….and the love Christ blessed me with when
he gave me Andy.
