A couple of weeks ago, I found myself sitting in Mass with
my husband listening to the priest deliver his homily. While I can’t remember all
of the specifics of what he was discussing, I know it had something to do with
learning to heed God’s call to live a more selfless and Christ-like life. That
notion is one that is frequently brought up at Christian churches each
week….but during that particular Mass our priest said a phrase in relation to
it that especially caught my attention. He explained that in order to execute
any of the wishes God has for our life, it must first start with love.
Now, I know I should have been thinking about my baptismal
Christian calling during such a reflective moment, but instead, I was thinking
about my path towards becoming a writer.
Seven years ago when I moved my college graduation tassel
from right to left, I had zero plans for what I was going to do with the rest
of my life. I’d just received a bachelor’s degree in English Writing but I
didn’t know what I was supposed to do with it. All I knew at that moment was
that I loved to write. And I hoped that—somehow—that love would be enough to
sort out all the unanswered questions.
In the past seven years I have stubbornly pursued my love
for writing by taking on assignments from local newspapers, regional magazines
and anyone else who threw writing opportunities in any form at me. I’ve landed
cover and feature stories as well as respectable by-lines at times. I’ve also
done dismal, thankless work that rewarded me with neither payment nor byline. But
through all of it, one thing has always remained…my love for the work.
Not having been able to make a real career out of writing
yet, I’ve long been on the hunt for a more full-time job that would bring me
some sort of comparable satisfaction and reward. The past year, in particular,
has been fraught with rejection on that front despite many tireless efforts,
however. As I found myself quickly approaching 2017 and my 30th
birthday I realized I’d become a haggard and desperate mess. I felt worthless,
stuck, and incapable of doing anything bigger with my life. I felt like a
failure.
But one day I was finally over it. I woke up and reminded
myself that I wasn’t a failure, or worthless, or incapable. I was the exact
opposite of all of those things. I was the girl who rode my bicycle 100 miles
in a day just to see if I could do it. I had joined a hockey team as a novice
player where I was the only girl and didn’t know another soul on the ice. I’d
secured a 4.0 GPA throughout college, which involved acing several classes many
told me couldn’t be aced. I’d found a way to continue my love for writing while
still working 40 hours a week at another job.
In the midst of all my recent failures and rejections, I
realized that the issue all along has been that I kept trying to put the
controls for my happiness and success in someone else’s hands instead of my
own. Why was I letting strangers try to elevate my life when all along I’ve had
the skills and tenacity necessary to do it on my own?
That epiphanous moment was the one in which I finally pulled
out and played the one card I should have been playing all along. It was the
card I’ve had crammed way down in my back pocket for years because I was too
scared and disbelieving to play it. It feels like it is my last hand to play
but it’s the one I’m willing to put all my chips on. The card has my name and
my name alone on it and when I laid it down, I did so with sheer love.
This past November I launched a business plan of sorts to
get my life, career, and self-esteem back on track. It involves numerous parts
and pieces---many of which are still in the process of being completed—but I
feel confident that I know what is necessary to get the job done. The goal at
the end is to launch a professional, trustworthy, and passionate writing
business that I can hopefully make a more substantial career out of.
The plan began by consulting with my graphic designer aunt
about crafting me a unique logo and business card. Our initial meeting together
began by looking at logo ideas and me telling her how I planned on hiring a
marketing agency to build me a website. By the end of our meeting, however, she
had me convinced on building the website myself.
Over the past two and a half months or so I have struggled
through the excruciatingly frustrating process of building a website without
having a prior clue about how to do so. But with Google as my right-hand
helper, I managed to piece together a simple and rather pleasant looking first
site to display some of my writing and to reach out to the far corners of
cyberspace for further opportunity. Today I officially release it out into the
world with my blessing and dearest of hopes. And it is an especially opportune
time as I recently celebrated the 4 year anniversary of this blog which is the
time of year I like to reflect on my most recent writing accomplishments. So be sure to check it out at
While my business plan is still very much “under
construction,” the completion of my website is by far the biggest burden off my
back. And at the end of it all, I know it will be the piece I am most proud of.
There is still much to do however, including getting my business cards printed
out, hard-copy portfolios made, newspaper ads designed and perhaps more
business attire purchased. The process is taking longer than I wanted or hoped
but I am committed to presenting a polished and professional product regardless
of how long it takes.
So I present to all of you this day, my humble website and a
sneak peek into the larger plan I will be launching in coming months. I still
have no idea what the future holds for me and my career as a writer but this
time I’m the one calling the shots and leading the way…..and I rarely let my
own self down without one hell of a fight.
In closing, I’d just like to thank my parents and
grandparents for their endless support and encouragement of all I do but
especially my writing. Thank you to my husband who has picked me up off the
floor (quite literally) on more than one occasion in recent months and
convinced me to keep moving and giving it all one more try. And thank you to my
Aunt Wendy, for your creativity, patience, guidance and for always believing in
me more than I believe in myself.
