Journey to the Cross

The other week I had the opportunity to share in quiet reflection and prayer in the chapel at St. Mary’s. Myself, along with the rest of the Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA) team I am part of, gathered Monday evening to pray the Stations of the Cross together. It was only about my 4^th time of ever praying the stations, but whenever I do, I am reminded of the powerful and emotional nature of the devotion. The particular version we used that night was told through the perspective of Jesus himself and really worked to place you right there alongside each step of his Passion.

For me, it is always comforting and peaceful being inside a church…..especially inside one that bears as much meaningful significance to me personally as St. Mary’s. Although I must admit, I’m not used to being inside the church when it is so quiet. Normally, it is full of booming organ music and voices raised in song, heads sit bowed in prayer down every pew, and the word of God being proclaimed reverberates about the circular space.  The space is always alive with the vibrant and devoted community of parishioners that call St. Mary’s home. 

But standing in the empty sanctuary that night and reflecting on Christ’s journey to the cross, I was reminded again of the immense duty we were all blessed with through his sacrifice. That is to continue the journey he started by spreading the faith, serving humanity and leading holy and honorable lives. Or more simply put, to continue saying “Yes,” to the Father each and every waking moment of our lives. Since my own baptism into the Catholic faith in 2014, I have sought my own ways to continue along the journey that God called me to. 

My first step was becoming a lector during Mass. Several years ago, I realized that one of my many gifts from God was my talents as a writer. As a writer, I understand all too well the power that the written word can have on the world. So helping proclaim the written word of God seemed especially fitting.

This past spring I graciously accepted an invitation to join the RCIA team of St. Mary’s. For me it was an honor just to be asked since this was the same group of people who supported me along the way to my own initiation into church. But I must admit, while I was willing, I felt very much incapable and ill-equipped to instruct others on the faith. There is still so much I don’t know and many things I seem to only understand on a surface level. I questioned whether I would be of any help to new catechumens and whether returning to RCIA was the right choice for me. 

I am a firm believer, however, that God speaks to each of us on a daily basis and is constantly offering up opportunities for us to grow and help grow the lives of others. The trouble is, most of us are too distracted, loud or fearful to notice these things. The day I was asked to join RCIA, I knew in my heart that this was one of those opportunities that God was offering me…..not just the RCIA team. And upon reflecting on my own story and journey to God, I realized that I did have something to offer. I might not be an encyclopedia of facts about the Catholic Church, but I lived the story that each individual who joins RCIA is about to start writing for themselves. I’ve experienced the same fears, doubts, and hesitancies they will experience. I’ve had the same questions and felt the same outsider feeling during Mass. And that’s when I realized that my experiences and knowledge are worth sharing and perhaps might be the most influential of all.

A few months ago another opportunity fell at my feet to join a women’s bible study group. At first I was thrilled; I’d long relished the idea of delving into scripture and pulling from it the deepest truths of humanity. But then I remembered how shy I am and the thought of sitting in a room full of total strangers utterly terrified me. A friend had initially confronted me about the possibility of joining the bible study because his wife attended as well. I took comfort in realizing that I might know one face in the crowd but I was still hesitant. But knowing that community is such an important part of my faith compelled me to set aside my fears and go anyways. So over the past few months I’ve consistently showed up each week, bible in hand, and tried my best to join in the fellowship and bible study. It has been a truly enriching experience thus far. And each week I am reminded of just how much good can come when we allow God to coax us out of our internal comfort zones.   

As I approach my third anniversary of joining the Catholic Church, I gain hope from realizing how far I have come from the mess I was when I first spoke the words aloud, “I wish to be baptized.” But at the same time, I am disturbingly aware of how much more I must do to continue growing in the faith and especially to better love and serve those around me. But I often wonder how I can fit any more into my life right now. How can I be and do all that I know God wants?

But in these moments, where I find myself overwhelmed with such thoughts, I close my eyes and go back to that empty church. I remember that without the small acts of many there would be no churches standing and no faith to adhere to. We all play a role and no role is lesser in the eyes of God than another. From the priest administering the sacraments of reconciliation and the Eucharist all the way down to the office administrator who pieces together the weekly bulletin listing upcoming events, each is doing a part in spreading the faith. Each is great in the eyes of God and each is needed at Mass each week.

For me, nothing reiterates the importance of these small acts of faith we make each day more, than the Stations of the Cross. From Simon the Cyrenian who helped Jesus shoulder his cross, the women who wept for Jesus as he marched and Veronica who wiped Jesus’ face, the stations remind us that we each have gifts to offer and can play a role in continuing the journey that Jesus came to set mankind on.