My Sunflower

Last weekend the highly anticipated royal wedding between Prince Harry and Meghan Markle finally took place at St. George’s Chapel. In the days since, the media and fashion industry has been busy scrutinizing every minute detail from the event…..from the simple but elegant lines of Meghan’s Givenchy dress and her signature messy bun hairstyle to the rousing sermon delivered by the passionate Reverend Michael Curry and the performance by the Kingdom Choir.

One of the wedding details that intrigued me was the composition of Meghan’s seemingly understated bouquet. It was later announced that her bouquet was actually filled with hidden meanings that were steeped in both tradition and memory. Her bouquet was comprised of forget-me-nots, lily of the valley, astilbe, jasmine, astrantia, and a sprig of myrtle. The forget-me-nots were used in loving memory for being one of Princess Diana’s favorite flowers while the sprig of myrtle has been a traditional aspect of all royal bouquets since Queen Victoria as an emblem of love and marriage. The astilbe represents dedication and the lily of the valley is another symbol of love.

The amount of tradition and symbolism wrapped into Meghan’s bouquet got me thinking about my own wedding bouquet and reasons behind one of the flowers I chose to include in it.

The primary color at our September wedding was royal blue, which was echoed by the brilliant blue hydrangeas stashed in my bouquet as well as the bridesmaids’ bouquets. But the flowers that really left their mark that day were the bold yellow sunflowers whose cheery shade of yellow was impossible to miss. My choice for including them was a deliberate and purposeful one.

On May 25, 2014, a mere 9 days after Andy got down on one knee and proposed to me, I found myself sitting in a stuffy room at the ER while a doctor briefed me on the results from an MRI scan they did on him. The diagnosis, which was later confirmed by a neurologist in Bozeman, was Multiple Sclerosis. It was devastating news that utterly obliterated what was supposed to be one of the happiest moments in my life.

Over the course of the next few weeks I spent dozens of hours on the phone with neurologist offices across the country trying to get him in to see someone. Even more hours were spent arguing with Blue Cross Blue Shield to get him clearance for the medications he would need to treat his condition. There were long afternoons spent at the hospital waiting, drip by drip, as steroids were pumped into Andy’s blood stream to try and restore his vision that had been effected. There were plenty of silent and hidden tears shed while I showered each morning and more prayers sent up to Heaven than some make in a lifetime.

I spent the first month of our engagement terrified, broken-hearted, angry, and resentful. But through it all, despite being the actual patient experiencing symptoms, Andy remained a beacon of hope and optimism. He remained calm and collected during appointments while I hung my head between my knees trying not to pass out. He was the one making me smile despite his vision being distorted. He was the one gently rubbing my back during Mass while I stared at the crucifix willing God to provide answers.

In what was one of the most trying moments thus far in my life, Andy was my hope…my constant…my light and my faith. He was my sunflower.

Flash forward 16 months to the day of our wedding. When I walked down the aisle on my dad’s arm in the church where I was baptized and where Andy first received the Sacrament of the Sick, I clutched a bouquet filled with sunflowers.

Sunflowers symbolize adoration, loyalty and longevity. And while all of those aspects are critical for a successful marriage, I chose to include them in my bouquet because their faces always turn towards the sun. Sunflowers focus on the source of their life and strength no matter what is happening around them. Even when they are getting pummeled on the side of a desolate highway by wind, rain and debris, their faces still turn towards the light.

For me Andy and God above serve as my life and strength each day. They have both taught me to keep my face turned always towards the light---the light of hope…the light of faith…the light of love. Because if I do that….If I focus everything in me on those brilliant aspects above, around and within me, the darkness will never win.

In the four years since Andy’s diagnosis, there have certainly been moments of trepidation and uncertainty. I’ve witnessed some hard days for Andy both physically and spiritually. But through it all he has kept a smile on his face and exudes nothing but optimism and joy from the inside out. He inspires me each and every day and renews my faith in God by the smallest actions.

So for my sunflower, on this your 4^th anniversary, I pray and wish for nothing more than health, happiness, hope and love on all our days to come. I love you.