One of the wedding details that intrigued me was the
composition of Meghan’s seemingly understated bouquet. It was later announced that
her bouquet was actually filled with hidden meanings that were steeped in both
tradition and memory. Her bouquet was comprised of forget-me-nots, lily of the
valley, astilbe, jasmine, astrantia, and a sprig of myrtle. The forget-me-nots
were used in loving memory for being one of Princess Diana’s favorite flowers
while the sprig of myrtle has been a traditional aspect of all royal bouquets
since Queen Victoria as an emblem of love and marriage. The astilbe represents dedication
and the lily of the valley is another symbol of love.
The amount of tradition and symbolism wrapped into Meghan’s
bouquet got me thinking about my own wedding bouquet and reasons behind one of
the flowers I chose to include in it.
The primary color at our September wedding was royal blue,
which was echoed by the brilliant blue hydrangeas stashed in my bouquet as well
as the bridesmaids’ bouquets. But the flowers that really left their mark that
day were the bold yellow sunflowers whose cheery shade of yellow was impossible
to miss. My choice for including them was a deliberate and purposeful one.
On May 25, 2014, a mere 9 days after Andy got down on one
knee and proposed to me, I found myself sitting in a stuffy room at the ER
while a doctor briefed me on the results from an MRI scan they did on him. The diagnosis,
which was later confirmed by a neurologist in Bozeman, was Multiple Sclerosis.
It was devastating news that utterly obliterated what was supposed to be one of
the happiest moments in my life.
Over the course of the next few weeks I spent dozens of
hours on the phone with neurologist offices across the country trying to get
him in to see someone. Even more hours were spent arguing with Blue Cross Blue
Shield to get him clearance for the medications he would need to treat his
condition. There were long afternoons spent at the hospital waiting, drip by
drip, as steroids were pumped into Andy’s blood stream to try and restore his
vision that had been effected. There were plenty of silent and hidden tears
shed while I showered each morning and more prayers sent up to Heaven than some
make in a lifetime.
I spent the first month of our engagement terrified,
broken-hearted, angry, and resentful. But through it all, despite being the
actual patient experiencing symptoms, Andy remained a beacon of hope and
optimism. He remained calm and collected during appointments while I hung my
head between my knees trying not to pass out. He was the one making me smile
despite his vision being distorted. He was the one gently rubbing my back
during Mass while I stared at the crucifix willing God to provide answers.
In what was one of the most trying moments thus far in my
life, Andy was my hope…my constant…my light and my faith. He was my sunflower.
Flash forward 16 months to the day of our wedding. When I
walked down the aisle on my dad’s arm in the church where I was baptized and
where Andy first received the Sacrament of the Sick, I clutched a bouquet
filled with sunflowers.
Sunflowers symbolize adoration, loyalty and longevity. And while
all of those aspects are critical for a successful marriage, I chose to include
them in my bouquet because their faces always turn towards the sun. Sunflowers
focus on the source of their life and strength no matter what is happening
around them. Even when they are getting pummeled on the side of a desolate
highway by wind, rain and debris, their faces still turn towards the light.
For me Andy and God above serve as my life and strength each
day. They have both taught me to keep my face turned always towards the
light---the light of hope…the light of faith…the light of love. Because if I do
that….If I focus everything in me on those brilliant aspects above, around and
within me, the darkness will never win.
In the four years since Andy’s diagnosis, there have
certainly been moments of trepidation and uncertainty. I’ve witnessed some hard
days for Andy both physically and spiritually. But through it all he has kept a
smile on his face and exudes nothing but optimism and joy from the inside out.
He inspires me each and every day and renews my faith in God by the smallest
actions.
So for my sunflower, on this your 4th
anniversary, I pray and wish for nothing more than health, happiness, hope and
love on all our days to come. I love you.
