Be the change you wish to see in the world

A recent conversation with my best friend reignited a flame inside me that has been low but smoldering for roughly a year. It was a discussion about loyalty--of commitment and unconditional love for the people closest to us in life. These qualities, which to the two of us come so automatically, are unfortunately much harder to receive from the people we have always given them to.

I have never had very many friends throughout my life. Part of that is because I have forever struggled with finding individuals with whom I find a real connection with. But the larger reason is because I cannot find people who are willing to give as much of themselves to me as I give to them. There isn’t a thing in the world I wouldn’t do for my friends or family. There is no distance too far to travel to hold one of their hands. There isn’t a dollar amount too large for a bouquet of flowers to send them when they’re having a bad day. There isn’t a diaper cake too large to bring to a friend’s baby shower to celebrate the newest addition to their family. No amount of reputation or self respect would prevent me from sacrificing all of it in an instant to step up and defend and support someone, even when everyone else tells me I’m in the wrong. All that I am, all that I have, I would give without hesitation or doubt to anyone in my life. And it is because my best friend Jamie is the same way that makes her the only person I will ever call my best friend.

We both acknowledged how much we always try to do for people in our lives, but how it is usually these people who are so unwilling to return the favor when we need it. Neither of us does the things we do hoping to get a gold star or brownie point. And we don’t do it so that we can hold it against those people down the road and guilt them into helping us. We do it because it is simply who we are. But the question remains......why is it so hard for people to stand up and support us...defend us.....love us unconditionally....and give us all they have?

I think part of it is fear. Fear that giving so much of themselves up for another so automatically will only hurt them in the end. Maybe prt of it is survival instinct....People are naturally more inclined to protect themselves first before attending to the life of another. But I think the biggest reason is fear of appearances. How will it look to the rest of the world if I defend this person, if I refuse to let them fall out of my life, if I love them even though everyone else tells me I shouldn’t, if I have someone’s back even though they’ve made a million mistakes? For me and Jamie, these questions simply don’t enter our minds....not for an instant. When we make a commitment to someone, it is for a lifetime.

I’ve been asked several times this year why I am so willing to give so much of myself at times to people who have made no attempt to bring any good to my life and who are never there for me even though I’ve never turned my back on them. My response to those people was that Jesus cleansed lepers, associated with prostitutes and other outcasts of society. He chose men as his disciples that he knew would deny him and betray him. And he preached things that he knew were against the law. To my response these people said, “yes, and they crucified him for it.” To that I simply smiled and replied that “Yes, but he knew all along that that would be his fate.”
 

Now I’m in no way trying to compare myself to Jesus because I couldn’t be farther from Him. But my point is that there are millions of people who worship someone each day who saw everyone as beautiful and equally worth loving and he gave the ultimate sacrifice to prove that love. So why do people find it so hard to demonstrate or at least accept similar acts in the everyday life around them?

The sad fact is you cannot change people. I may be the best person imaginable to some people in my life but I know that, for some, it will still never change how they are to me. Some people are simply too bound up in worrying about what others will think of them. They let outsiders give them ultimatums and dictate how they act. But their cowardly tendencies will not change the way I live my life. In fact, they are the ones who inspire me on a daily basis to try that much harder at showing them how far I am willing to go for them. As Gandhi put it, “You must be the change you wish to see in the world.” And as I read once, “the hardest decision you will ever make in your life to either give up or try harder.” I will always be the one to try harder, to give my best even if I don’t get it back, to love people unconditionally even though most of them will turn their backs on me when I need them.

To love unconditionally takes incredible courage and dedication, but if you are lucky enough to find someone in your life who is willing to do just that....DON’T EVER LET THEM GO! So to my best friend, the woman who has had my back since our days playing rock forts at recess.....I love you now and always and don’t ever stop being the amazing person you are.