Not All Families Are the Same

It was suggested to me the other day that there are certain things I simply can’t understand or appreciate in life because I don’t have a family of my own.  A.K.A. a husband and children. At first, I was incredibly insulted and hurt by this person’s comment. Then I realized that I simply live my life with a different conception of what constitutes family.


It is true that I don’t have a husband and children. But my life is not emptier or less demanding because of this fact. The truth is that I have a very extended family that I hold myself responsible to on a daily basis.

When most people think of the word “family,” they think of their parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles, and cousins. They are those people that we are, whether we like it or not, related to by blood or marriage. All of these people are part of our families. But the people I consider to be family often fall outside of these conventional qualifications.

I grew up as an only child, which at times, was frustrating when I wanted a sibling to support me or back me up on something. But I had something far better than a sibling. I had a best friend, who even after 21 years, is still the best sister I could’ve ever asked for. She has been the person who has stood by me through everything, who has supported me even when some people in my “family” turned against me, and has shown me the true measure of what the word “family” means.

I’ve been blessed with several other friends throughout the years too who have loved me without question or hesitation. They have helped me through challenges and lent a judgment-free ear when I needed to talk. I consider all of them part of my family.

But I don’t just consider people to be my family who have been there to love and take care of me. I reach out to as many people in my life as possible and love them in such a way that shows them I make no distinction between them and the people who are related to me by blood. I have always done so…not because I want extra brownie points from anyone, but because it has just never occurred to me to live any other way.

I’ve had friends call me in the middle of the day bawling their eyes out over something. Rather than just sit there and text them like a normal friend would do, I get in my car and drive to their house to see them right at that moment. And did I mention I stop at the grocery store on the way to pick up Oreos for them because that’s their favorite food?

I’ve been on Facebook and seen friends post very depressed statuses before…friends who live in another town from me. And again, I get right in my car and drive out of town and straight to their front door to tell them---in person---that I’m there for them.

I’ve spent hours staring at rows of baby pacifiers in a store trying to make sure I pick out the perfect one for a friend’s newborn child.

I’ve offered to wire a friend money, as much as they needed, to make sure they make it home for a family funeral because they don’t have the funds to make the trip themselves.

I could go on forever. But the point is that I bend over backwards to love and take care of people in my life. And I do my best to love those people unconditionally. I take those people, as well as their family/friends/significant others, into my life and make them my family. I hold myself responsible for taking care of them and supporting them just as much as if they were my actual family. I drop everything in a heartbeat to be there for them. I might not do this 100% of the time but I do the very best I can because I can’t imagine living any other way.

I don’t have a husband. And I don’t have any children of my own. But I have just as many responsibilities, if not more, than people I know who do have those things. It is true that I have some freedoms that married people with children no longer enjoy. But the truth is that I usually end up filling my extra time and using my extra energy to attend to my very extended and unconventional family. So to the person who told me I don’t have a family to worry about and go home to each day, and to anyone who would be inclined to make a similar statement, I implore you to look beyond stereotypes and conventions and realize that not all families are as straightforward as society likes to portray them. They come in all shapes and sizes. And personally, I feel truly blessed to have found so many people in my life that I am able to call my FAMILY.