An Authentic Sign

Ernest Hemingway wrote that “If a writer stops observing, he is finished.” One of the beautiful blessings about trying to constantly observe the world around me is that I often notice the little signs from God that most people---with their eyes hypnotized over their phone screens or elsewhere---miss. But even when you notice the signs, sometimes it takes a while before you understand their meaning.

In July 2010, I purchased my first home. It was brand new and no one had lived in it before. I had only lived there a few weeks when I noticed an interesting gouge in the wood of one of my kitchen cabinets. It was small and unremarkable, but bore the shape of a cross. It was unique and interesting but I didn’t think much about it.

Now, nearly 4 years later, that gouge in my wood bears much greater significance. 

This past Sunday I attended the Rite of Election at the St. Helena Cathedral where I publically expressed my desire to be baptized into the Catholic Church this coming Easter. After meeting the Bishop, I enrolled my name in the Book of the Elect and entered the final stage of my journey towards coming into full communion with the church. Technically, I have only been working towards this for 7 months or so. But in reality, it has been a journey years in the making. 

Earlier on Sunday before the rite at the Cathedral, I attended regular Mass. The homily given during it spoke a lot to me and echoed many of the big emotions I was feeling that day. Father Richard spoke about “authenticity” and what being an authentic person means in society today. He spoke of how Christ was authentic in his unyielding commitment to the words and will of God. Even when Christ was tempted by Satan in the desert, he chose to quote the words of his Father when he refused Satan.

It is not only rare to find a truly authentic person in today’s world, but it is a daily struggle to be one. It has taken me most of my 27 years to sort out who I am, what I believe, and how I want to live my life. One of those pieces—my faith—is one which has always been a dominant part of my life but was just never fully developed. This past summer, I finally felt God’s calling in my life to embrace my faith further and to formalize it by finally getting baptized. 

During the Bishop’s homily during the Rite of Election, he asked for us to all pause for a moment and reflect on those people who have knowingly or unknowingly assisted us in reaching this most pinnacle of moments. There were a lot of people who crossed my mind. And all of them not only assisted me in growing my faith but in helping me grow into the most authentic version of myself. They are the people who made me realize what my convictions are, how I want to treat all of the people I encounter in my life, and what kind of person I want to be at the end of the day. They are the people who set the standards for my life and see to it that I hold true to them. 

As I count down the days to Easter, I am overwhelmed daily with a sense of peace and wholeness knowing that my decision to be baptized is one of the most important ways I am staying true to my authentic self. Whether you decide to forgo college after high school and start your own business, come out of the closet and announce to everyone that you’re gay, choose to never get married and have children because you like your life the way it is, take a chance and leave everything you know for a new job opportunity across the country, or anything else you feel in your gut you need to do......do it. Stay true to what you believe and do what is best for you. Being an authentic person is hard because there will always be people trying to talk you out of doing things. And there will be countless roadblocks along the way that will make you want to turn back and give up. Staying truly authentic means saying to hell with all of that and pushing through. If you know in your heart that something is right for you and you follow through with it....you will never regret it. 

Looking back, my faith journey became much more serious right about the time I moved into my house. I didn’t know it, but that little cross-shaped gouge in my cabinet was a sign.....and perhaps a blessing....of all that would come to pass in the near future. It didn’t contribute in any way to the decision I made, but I look at it each day and smile with the belief that it may very well be a sign of reassurance from God on that decision---my decision to stay authentic to what I believe and who I am.