Little Bit of Grace, Little Bit of Grit: Refusing to Give Up

“A true relationship is two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.”

I stumbled across that line the other day and found myself smiling as I read it. Last week, on September 12, I celebrated my 9 year anniversary with my now-fiancé, Andy. This date also marked exactly one year until we take our vows and begin our forever together finally.

9 years.

Sharing your life with anyone for that amount of time, in any capacity, is an enormous accomplishment. And it takes so much more than love to do so. It requires learning to see someone for who they truly are--scars, flaws, vulnerabilities and all—and to still want them in your life at the end of the day. It means committing yourself to someone even knowing you might want to walk out on them more often than you want to stay. You have to do the seemingly impossible and learn to love them unconditionally. You have to be absolutely stubborn in your refusal to EVER give up on them. And perhaps most importantly, you have to put all your trust in God and know that if you don’t give up on him, he will help make sure you don’t give up on yourself or your relationship.

In 9 years, Andy and I have seen more than our share of ups and downs. We have walked through dark places and fought demons together that many married couples don’t survive. When we attended our first marriage prep session with our priest and he asked why we thought we were ready to get married, I wanted to burst out laughing. I don’t think it was his question so much as his implication that the biggest step was still before us that seemed so funny. It’s just that when you’ve been with someone for 9 years you’re more than married—even without the rings. You’ve already made the commitment in your head and in your heart. And I think even God knows that.

I used to feel bitter sometimes when I’d attend weddings and see the youthful and ignorant bliss of couples that were so in love. I knew that I would never have quite that look about me on my wedding day if I married Andy because we were simply too far past the honeymoon stage. But when I was forced to sit down and process Andy’s MS diagnosis earlier this summer, I realized something that changed my unpleasant disposition.

I realized I will be even happier on my wedding day than most because I know all the way through to my bones that our marriage will make it. Not because we are so passionately in love, but because we have been through hell and back together and never once gave up on each other.

When Andy proposed, I knew immediately when to say our vows---our 10 year anniversary which to no coincidence in my mind fell in a perfect timeframe and on a perfect Saturday during one of the most gorgeous months of the year in Montana. It was meant to be and foresaw long before by God I have no doubt. What better way to ring in a decade together than by committing ourselves to each other publically before all of the family and friends who have helped see us through so many trying years.

It will be a beautiful and blessed day…..10 years in the making!